Hold The Phone There, Hostess!

The mere chink of cups and saucers tunes the mind to happy repose.  

~George Gissing, The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft

I think sometimes in our quest to throw the perfect event, we hostesses can forget the most important thing about our tea parties is the precious bit of time they provide us for sharing life & laughter with our guests and deepening those relationships. Hopefully, I'm reminded of this before all the dust of table-settings, floral arrangements, invitations & menu planning has settled. But I have to admit, sometimes the thought doesn't pop into my mind until the day of the party, when the last guest has gone home and I've shut the door. That can be the moment I think, "I missed it." 

Now, did I really get so wrapped up in cooking, prepping and fussing that I missed connecting with my guests? Not usually. But clearly, I had a deeper need for connection than I realized and all my fussing over petit fours and tea sandwiches didn't satisfy it. Huh, that's interesting... Of course, I'm just like you: trying to jam as much quality time and memory-making as possible into less and less actual time. (I suspect this is at the root of most of my relational stress.) Clearly, something has to give. 

Does this mean I have to scale back on creative party planning just to save time? Or that my tea parties are destined to become lack-luster and lite on fabulous?  Lord, preserve us from that! No, I think the answer comes from keeping a focus on the end goal of the party while we get ready. For me, that goal is spoiling my friends rotten and giving them an afternoon of quality girl-time. I want to encourage them and help them decompress for a little while. My tea parties should be a delightful & effortless oasis for them (and not the mother-load of stress for me). So, instead of spending every moment trying to blow the Joneses out of the water with my party fabulousness, I need to reel it in a bit and leave room for that deeper connection to happen.

The truth is if my guests arrive and I'm too busy and frazzled to greet them or chat for a few minutes before returning to the kitchen, then I know in my heart I have too much going on.  I'm not saying this to make you or me feel guilty. Out-of-control stuff happens when you throw parties: recipes don't always come out right, or if they do, maybe they took longer than you planned, or the guests are running way late or they arrived really early and now your timetable is shot to heck. There are a zillion reasons why we might be completely preoccupied when the people we most want to connect with walk through the door.

The trick is, how do we handle that? How do we keep our focus front-and-center when the hall is full of guests, the oven might be smoking (oh no, the scones!) and the teapot isn't quite at a boil yet? Me? I throw up a popcorn prayer to God as I kiss cheeks and take coats & purses.  Then I give each person a good squatch (meaningful hug) and look them in the eye as I tell them I'm so glad they came. Then I go see about the scones.  

The peeps have to come first. Greet 'em,  love on 'em and make 'em feel special. Then contain any kitchen catastrophes. That is the Golden Rule exemplified by every great hostess I've ever met. Besides, we all know intuitively that guests don't really mind if your dramatic dessert didn't turn out quite right, as long as they know you're glad to see them. (Note: I have yet to throw a tea party where every female guest didn't ask me what they could do to help.  Some people love to jump right in--so put them on the scones in the oven or garnishing the canapes. Give a guest a pastry bag and watch her face light up as she applies whip cream swirls to the top of your little desserts. If she's a do-er, it just might be the most fun part for her.)

And don't neglect your own desire for connection.  Let the dishes sit in the sink while you linger over a great conversation. Curl up on the couch and rest your tired feet while you all laugh over old memories.  Roll a tea cart with all the accoutrements out into the living room so you aren't missing a great story by darting around to refill every tea cup.  Drink it in, girl.  In that moment, no one knows better than you how precious it is.

 Quote courtesy of the Quote Garden.